Beauty

I've never considered myself to be any sort of beauty.  Oh, I don't think I am ugly or undesirable, in fact, I like the way I look.  But, I'd never thought of myself as a woman any one would call "Beautiful".  I say that with no regrets, as I said, I like the way I look.  I would not change anything even if I could, after all, I've been with myself for a long time, and I like the familiarity to be honest.

But, there is one thing about myself that I have always thought of absolutely stunning.  My eyes.  They are big green eyes, and I have long eyelashes naturally.  The green changes color with my mood and oh, I don't know, even I think they were the best thing about my face.

Going blind in the left eye has changed that eye so much.  I was looking at myself today doing the regular morning female ritual, and I really noticed that the luster, color, and look of the left eye is so "dead" now.  My eyes are no longer beautiful at all.  In  fact, they are a bit strange.  Weird even.  One is dead looking and the other is alive.  One is dilated and the other changes given the amount of light.
It's sad to me as I think of it.  My eyes were my only real source of confidence about my looks.  I always knew I could look someone in the eyes, flash a smile, and well, they'd be captivated by my charms.  LOL  Crazy I know, because of course it was not completely true, but it was  true enough that I felt I could do it if I wanted to.  Bat those eyelashes, and smile my way into a conversation, and perhaps an adventure.

I suppose all women lament as their beauty fades.  I just didn't think I was one of them.  I thought I was going to age gracefully and artfully.  But, today I find, that I miss the promise my green eyes once held for a future.