Can we be friends?

It's an interesting question that we've all faced, or presented to someone, in our lives. An intimate relationship encounters whatever happenstance, and it needs to change--dramatically. It needs to move out of romantic intimacy and make the transition to "friends only" OR it needs to end entirely.

I'm faced with just such a situation right now. And in facing this dilemma he asked if we could ever go to friends only. We've never been anything but romantic and intimate. Oh it was not love at first sight. We grew in our love, but it was intimate and romantic in energy, immediately.

I've always been able to make the transition with ex lovers before. In fact, I'm somewhat arrogant about my ability to work things out so I don't lose a lover entirely. I can do "just friends". In all those cases, I truly did make the transition too. I didn't just profess it, and feel "someday I can get him back". I didn't fool myself at all. It just happened. The love I felt mellowed, and I just was able to accept that we'd never be intimate again. We'd be just friends.

But this time, I'm not so sure, and it occurred to me that our astrological charts might reflect how this energy might work out. It was an interesting thing to look at. Something I'd really never done before, so it was a learning process I can add to my "bag of tricks" for work when helping others "try and be friends" when the romance is gone.

Looking at all my relationships, if there was one relationship that should have never been able to go "just friends" it was my ex-husband. We had a Sun/Moon conjunction that is really powerful and shows an attraction that really can't be broken. But, we somehow did do that, so apparently it takes more than a Sun/Moon conjunction [one of the most powerful aspects between charts for intimacy. It's a classic marriage aspect].

Sometimes Astrology is all about what can't happen or isn't allowed to happen in certain cross aspects. The Sun/Moon conjunction is pretty much unstoppable. It is a bond that can only be broken by circumstances outside the control of the two people [death, war, etc] and even then the people remain bonded. But, that is exactly what has happened between my ex and I--we are as bonded as ever, but we are "just friends". And we've talked about it extensively, and I don't feel either of us is in denial. I know I'm not.

So, it takes more than a Sun/Moon conjunction to stop the transition between going from lovers to "just friends". Although with another lover there was also a Sun/Moon conjunction [only reversed, my moon to his sun instead of my sun to his moon] and that is the only relationship that I could not make the transition. We still do not talk, and it's been over 10 years. It just became impossible to look at each other. We could not make the transition.

And I'll concede that the sign Aries [between my ex and I] has a better energy for making things work out, than Cancer [the one that never made the transition], which can emotionally stunt any growth or move out of the incident. So, signs involved play an important part along with the sun/moon conjunction aspect.

In my current situation, there is a sun/moon aspect, exact in degrees, but quincunx. There is an interesting addition. His Saturn is conjunct my Sun, my Saturn is conjunct his Moon. This brings us a classic male/female or yin yang energy to the relationship. The aspect itself is both good and problematic [which does describe our relationship from inception, although not between us, but in our relationship with our environments.]

Quincunx

A quincunx is present in a chart when two planets are 150 degrees from each other.

This Aspect, above all, demands that adjustments be made. Things will appear muted or unclear and one must resolve to gain some focus on the matters at hand. A reorganization of priorities, as well as a change in the way things are done, is wanting. A change in attitude, outlook and perspective can also be indicated.

It is also believed that this Aspect has karmic lessons to teach us. Along those lines, an extension of the quincunx is the Yod, also referred to as the 'Finger of God.' In this little-known configuration, considered the most fated in Astrology, two planets which are sextiling (a sixty-degree Aspect) each other are in communion with a third planet which rests opposite the midpoint of the sextile. These three planets would then form the letter 'Y' in the heavens (draw it for yourself and you'll see). The third planet, effectively at the bottom of the 'Y' figure, is the trigger point of the Yod. This very fated configuration adds great emphasis to the quincunx and speaks to significant lessons and issues to be overcome. Further, whenever a planet is transiting through the midpoint of the sextile segment of the Yod, the entire configuration is essentially on red alert. The burden is upon us to listen closely at this time, and to learn.

*sheesh*, I'd forgotten that my Sun sat right in the middle of one of his Yods. I also forgot to look at transiting Saturn when it was passing over his Sun [and the yod, and my sun]. I'll have to look at the timing on that. Shit, I wish I would remember to look at this stuff for myself.

I'm pretty sure the Saturn involved make this whole transition more difficult than it might be ordinarily. Saturn never allows for any ease in any endeavor. It's also reluctant to change roles, so I'm not sure either of us really wants to make the transition. It's not like our hearts are really in it, and with Saturn in the mix, unless we had a lot of drive to make the "just friends" work, I'm not seeing it work at all.

The Yod is a whole other story. That's a fated aspect. Generally, I don't even try to interpret what Yods might bring to the life of a couple or an individual. I'm not sure it helps to have an Astrologer explain it. It's an aspect that is meant to be lived, and for the purposes of evolution. I'm definitely not going to try and figure out what will happen in my own life. I learned a long time ago to live and let.. when it comes to using Astrology for my own life.

Still, I can "nod" my head in agreement with what I've figured out already. Much of it is what I've been feeling anyway. It's good to find some validation in Astrology though. It doesn't offer a solution in this instance, but it does make me feel less the hysterical angst ridden woman in love. I feel deeply, I am deeply in love, changing that wasn't ever going to be a walk in the park.

I suppose I was hoping for a better prospect Astrologically. I often try and let my clients know when things might resolve or what form that resolution might take. It helps to show people the light at the end of the tunnel I think. There are so many things in life we simply can't avoid, but it helps to know they will end.

The Yod and the Saturn involvement, actually don't show a nice neat and tidy end. In fact it shows exactly the opposite. That we will endure, almost for a karmic reason, and that endurance might not be fun at all. Which might make some sense if our combined lesson were some kind of experience to bring about a deeper understanding of relationships in general. The yod resides in the 5th, 7th and 12th houses. [romantic relationships, marriage and partnerships and sorrow]

Well, that was fun. I sometimes really love to look at how charts shape up in the middle of times of stress. I'm not sure I have any answers for my own situation. It seems my feelings are actually supported by the charts and aspects. So, I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill emotionally. I'm feeling an intensity, that is reflected in the bond we actually do have.

I guess all I can do is live this out.

I'd forgotten how powerful the placements were between us. I don't tend to use astrology every day in my own life. Too much of a bus-man's holiday I guess. Although I'd admonish my clients to remember exactly what I myself forgot. LOL Isn't that always my way. I think sometimes that because I'm an astrologer that I', immune from the influences of the stars. Funny, because of course I'm not immune at all. Not at all. Whenever I'm reminded of that, at least I can still smile at my naivety.

Thanks for listening, whoever you are. As you can see, I'm still here, and I'll try to write more. As you can see, I'm in the middle of some difficult things emotionally, and I need a place to vent and try and figure things out.

Venus Retrograde Until April 17th

Venus Retrograde (Coming March 6 2009 to April 17 2009)

Venus will be @ 15 degrees Aries when it goes retrograde on the 6th of March. It will travel backwards towards Pisces and re-enter Pisces on the 12th of April. Venus will begin to go direct on April 17th @ 29 degrees Pisces. Venus will not return to the original 15 degrees Aries until May 21st 2009.

Retrograde:

Venus spends less time retrograde than any other planet—only forty days once every eighteen months. In a birth chart, Venus retrograde represents a set of personal goals and values which appear to go against the grain of natural forces and instincts. It is the symbol of ascetics, athletics and others who train, fight or redirect natural urges. It denotes the artist’s total commitment to art and the values and ideals she is attempting to show.

In a man’s natal chart, Venus retrograde indicates a powerful focus on fulfilling a well-defined set of ideals and goals, often of a social-political, spiritual or athletic nature. Living up to his chosen ideals may become the central focus in life, and a man with Venus retrograde may need to exercise more sensitivity and delicacy when applying his ideals to others.

In a woman’s natal chart, Venus retrograde suggest a life uncommon to most women. Such a woman often dares to break new ground, refusing to accept traditional female roles. As a result, women with Venus retrograde often find themselves amid emotional struggles and public controversy regarding their uncompromising quest for truth, justice and acceptance.

Love & Close Relationships during a Venus retrograde phase.

We may be called upon to reevaluate our existing close relationships. Venus retrograde is a good time to think and talk about issues, review and discuss what has worked well for you before and what has not. This is not the time to finalize either commitments or separations, as the value or lack thereof in the relationship might not be apparent to you now. Partners are more indecisive and fickle during Venus retrograde. Assumptions of other people’s feelings are often inaccurate, so open and honest communication is vital.

The real focus now is your relationship with yourself, and this time is especially good for acts of kindness and love toward yourself. So many times when the people close to us are aggravating or frustrating, the problem is with us, not them. It’s important during Venus retrograde to take some time and space for yourself, to feel your feelings. Especially if there is anger, just recognize and honor the hurt feelings that are underneath. Just by recognizing and honoring them, you create inner peace.

In a relationship that begins or ends during this time, it’s a good time to experiment, but moving too fast and overwhelming yourself before you know what’s going on is also a possibility. Just tune into your instincts for guidance. If you feel unsettled within yourself, jumpy, or nervy, give yourself some time and space to breathe and think before taking action.

The most important thing is, don’t be frightened by Venus retrograde. It happens every year and a half, so rest assured you have already survived it many times! Astrology is the study of cycles: all of them useful, some difficult, but none inherently bad, unless you resist the flow, and expect everything to go as usual during this time. Going along with the energy, taking advantage of the opportunities it offers, makes for a smoother ride and pleasant surprises.

This is the first one since late July 2007-August 2007, and the signs involved were Virgo and Leo.

This time, Venus will be going backwards in the sign of Aries, so there will be a lot of reevaluation regarding "how we go about getting what we want". Aries is the sign of Action and while Venus is traveling retrograde through Aries, we will face the ineffectiveness and frustration regarding the manner with which we go about getting what we want. "Venus is what we desire; Mars [the ruler of Aries] is how we go about getting what we want." This retrograde cycle can be summed up with that statement. What do we want? And how can we get it? This is the crux of this particular Venus Retrograde.

The good news about this retrograde is that you may well find yourself able to repair damage done to relationships during the last reverse cycle [July/Aug 2007).

On the other hand, Venus retrograde can be a difficult time when it’s a little harder to relate, so make the effort, if you know it’s worthwhile. Venus is also about values, as well as love and money. ,

Venus going backwards will also mean she will go over certain points in all our charts, not once, not twice, but three times. That can have its pluses! Use the Venus retrograde period to reevaluate both your finances and your love life.

When Venus, planet of love and money, is in reverse, it’s the time to look at what you are putting into your relationship or a paid job, versus what you are getting out of it. If you think you are being lazy, it’s time to fix that. If, on the other hand, you think it’s you that’s doing all the running, working too hard, and getting little back, then this is also the time to think about it.

Venus doesn’t officially start to go backwards until March 6th, but even as the month begins, we are in the shadow period, so it’s already a good time to start contemplating those cash and love ‘‘investments’’. For the record, it’s also said that the pretty frou frou (Venusian) luxuries we buy when Venus is retrograde are the things we never wear. Because Venus is about taste and art and finery, sometimes we get a slightly skewed sense of what we love in that department while she is in a reverse cycle. You have been warned!

Basics on the influence of Venus:

The first planet within Earth’s orbit, Venus represents the centripetal, inward-pulling elements of life and experience which urge us toward inner union and togetherness with others. Venus is the attraction-repulsion principle, it symbolizes guiding values and ideals, and the feminine aspect of nature.


Traditional Attributes:

Harmony, art, beauty, grace, charm and affection. Pleasure, comfort and luxury. Personalized love and expressions of love. Receptivity and the ability to attract others and maintain relationships. Attractive or desirable people, places and things. The Venus principle is represented by love goddesses of world mythology, such as the Greek Aphrodite and the Hindu Kamala.


Humanistic Interpretation:

Venus represents our personal ideals, goals and values. Our sensitivities and affinities are symbolized by Venus, as well as the capacity to appreciate, interpret and give meaning to life- experiences and relationships. In a birth chart, it shows how one judges oneself, others and situations. It indicates how to best achieve satisfaction and fulfillment, and the instincts which guide us along the way. Venus symbolizes one’s “moral compass” and emotional capacity, as well as intimacy and connectiveness. Venus represents one’s archetypal form of individuality, in so much as individuality is defined by one’s inner values.


For A Man:

In a man’s birth chart, Venus represents his anima—the inner, often hidden and secret, feminine aspect of his psychology. It shows the receptive, sensitive and appreciative side of his personality, and what he most values. Venus in a man’s horoscope also symbolizes the qualities he finds most attractive in a women—qualities he may project upon women and expect them to fulfill.


For A Woman:

In a woman’s birth chart, Venus denotes her truest feminine qualities, the qualities she most wants to realize and embody. In today’s highly competitive society, a woman’s Venusian character may be overshadowed by the masculine planets—especially Mars (drive) and Saturn (control)—which allow her to survive and succeed in the world of business and career. By tuning into her Venusian qualities, a woman can better maintain the delicate balance between her outer, career life and her feminine identity.

It's Official

OK, I've finally decided to add to the tattoo on my left shoulder. I've been thinking about it since 2004, so I think I've 'thought it over' enough. The tattoo on my back is a kanji symbol just in black ink. I've wanted to add something colorful that keeps the Asian 'feel' to my tattoos' I have another one of a lotus flower design on the left side of my chest.

Anyway, I've thought long and hard about what I wanted to add to the tattoo on my back. It is really only a small tattoo as it is now. Maybe 2x2 inches. I wanted to semi surround it with something and also increase the size to cover the whole upper left side of my back. OK maybe not that much, but at least increase it in size to about 6x6 inches.

At first, I thought I wanted a moon design, but it never really felt 'right' even if some of the designs were 'pretty'. My tattoos mean something to me, and I wasn't going to add anything unless it could add meaning to the original tattoo. So, I have been thinking for about two years about what the tattoo really means to me and what visual could be added that would enhance it [and be pretty].

That tattoo is all about "Transformation" for me. It represents the best of me coming forward from someplace deep inside and the casting off of things and/or damage that held me back. It is about the changes that bring growth and peace, and a wonderful sense of being perfect in my own skin.

Additionally, I wanted to somewhat incorporate the influence that someone has had in my life into that tattoo as he was also part of the one I have now, even he was not part of the actual tattoo process for me.

I finally hit on it...

The Phoenix.

That is perfect. Absolutely perfect. So many old fears gone and in so many ways, I truly have been re-born. I've decided to do color with this too. Gone are the black ink on white skin [all my tattoos are currently just black ink]. It's time for color to be added.

Additionally "A Phoenix" is also one of the Astrological symbols for Pluto [Transformation] and the person that has most influenced this in me has his Pluto conjunct his Sun, making him very much like the Phoenix--always growing, searching, thinking, shedding the old, becoming the new. He personifies transformation in so many ways. Not surprising due to the planetary aspect, but to me he is always trying to move forward no matter how much of a struggle that is sometimes.

It's so perfect. I can't imagine why it took me so long to see it.

I've found several designs. I just have to find a new artist, because the girl who did mine isn't around any longer.

So, I'm quite happy with the decision. In fact I'm REALLY happy.

Here is a pretty good rendering of what I am talking about. OK, maybe it will be bigger than 6x6, but I love ink. It's just a good rendering of what I want. The existing tattoo can go in one of the encircled areas. That can be adjusted around the tattoo I already have. The tails can fall down my back.

PSA ~ Mercury Retrograde

Just a friendly Public Service Announcement

Mercury will be going retrograde in 2009 on:
January 11th until February 1st.
May 7th to May 31st.
September 7th to September 29th.
December 26th to January 15th [2010].

What does that mean? Are you having problems being understood? Having arguments with siblings? Do you normally find communication easy, and suddenly it feels like your tongue is wrapped up in cotton? Welcome to Mercury Retrograde?

One of the side-effects of this retrograde is to re-experience unresolved issues/problems/crisis concerning relationships. It's important to try and focus attention on the reality of the present rather than on losing oneself to the past and past experiences. Basically this retrograde is concerned with relationships and communication.

By transit, this planet goes retrograde 3 times a year [although in 2009 it will go retrograde 4 times] and statistically goes retrograde more often in Fire signs than any other. I believe Air was next in line regarding frequency (But, I'm not sure so don't quote me on that statistic). This stat has lead me to believe these retrograde periods were meant to be a time of reflection and inspiration (fire), marking it as a period of time for the inculcation of all we experience. Sort of an opportunity to get oneself back on track; to look at the reality of choices, etc.

Mercury is the thinker and we need to step back and think about where we are going every now and then. Lucky for us Mercury offers us 3-4 times a year to get ourselves back on track during each year. I've come to the conclusion that many times communication is delayed for a very good reason. While it may be frustrating if you do not use the period of time for reflection, it can certainly be a great benefit to the attainment of goals to step back and 'think" about things for a moment.

Not only can this period delay mail, the signing of contracts, the phone won't ring, the email won't arrive, it will cause all manner of havoc with the sending and receiving of communication. Not so much arguments (that is Mars retro), but definitely misunderstandings that wouldn't normally occur will pop up during this time.

We feel out of sync with our ability to 'tell' people who we are and what we want, and we also feel we don't understand others. That's probably because we don't understand them right now. And maybe we're not supposed to, maybe this is a time to pull in and reassess 'who we are'.

In other words it is time to have a talk with ourselves.

Mercury Retrogrades are key to developing an accurate picture of our inner life, the manner in which we analyze things, how we look at them, how our minds communicate to us about the environment, and most importantly how we interpret what we see and hear. All of this is the domain of Mercury. We feel scattered and even out of control of the most basic of functions -- communication. Unfortunately, this is normal for this period. We might hate it, but it is normal.

It is a time to reevaluate what we think about, how we think, and why we think about it. All of this leads us to a better understanding of who we really are. The 3 retrogrades each year offer us short period of time to do a reality check with our inner self using the mental body as a tool to do the evaluation. It can be a mini intensive of therapy or it can be your worst nightmare. It all depends on your actual state of mind and the environment you find yourself in. Whatever the experience is, know that it is a short period of time and that "This too shall end".

People experience a retrograde differently but basically fall into three types of experience. Planets will manifest in one of the 3 following ways:

1. Constantly jumping ahead, trying to live the future NOW. The native is constantly trying to make the future occur NOW.

2. Feelings of Déjà vu dominate the life experiences.

3. Looking ahead to a future that the native has already lived or in other words constantly repeating past experiences. Regression into former loves whose memories carry strongly into the present incarnation. This type of retrograde process acts as a constant repetition of past life events that were left unresolved. The native in this instance is not living in present time.

Things to try and avoid:

Try to avoid making important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is very likely that these decisions will be clouded by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking. Mercury is all about mental clarity and the power of the mind, so when Mercury is retrograde these intellectual characteristics tend to be less acute than usual, as the critical faculties are dimmed. Make sure you pay attention to the small print.

The key issue here is one of focus. Mercury's retro phase tends to bring unforeseen changes and blockages, but the aggravation and frustration that many of us experience during these periods is often due to our own inability to deal with everyday occurrence that would have never bothered us, or we would have let them go at another time.

Mercury retrograde sets out to restructure our thinking processes and for many of us this is painful and frustrating. Moreover, these experiences reveal flaws in our internal organization as well as our external planning.

Why am I telling you all this... I don't know I thought it might help, but mostly I wrote it for myself. Sometimes even astrologers need to remember they are under the same influences the rest of you are.