Recently, someone surprised me. I mean really surprised me! I tend to think I know it all. I know that's an arrogant thing to say, but honestly, I usually do know a lot, and what I don't know, I usually "know" I don't know. If that makes sense.
I just know things.
So, for someone to surprise me and the POV I had been holding, well, it's food for thought. So, I've been thinking.
I find I didn't know how much I like men who know what they want. I know that sounds naive considering, well, everything in my life, but I must have forgotten how much I like/love men who know what they want.
Oh, and go after it.
You know, actually come up with a strategy and go for it. Unabashed desire followed by action. Most people [not just men] really don't just go for it. There's hesitancy, vulnerability, fear of failure, etc. So many things that make us cautious about going for it. It's human nature really, so men who let me know what they did/do/ are going to do to meet me, or befriend me, get into my life, etc, well they fascinate me in a really profound way.
So, to have someone tell me all the particulars of going about meeting me, well it surprised me. I know some women think this attribute is calculating, and manipulative, and I suppose it can be if they wrong strategy is employed. But, when the right one is employed, well, you never see it coming, and it just seems so organic.
Which is why I've been thinking. Because it felt so organic, that's why I missed it. I'm so lame when it comes to a lot of things, especially social encounters. I remember when I was in my late teens. I had a crush on a friend of my brother's. I mean a hard core crush. But, I figured he was just way too cool to notice me. So, I decided just to be friends. I figured I could have that much. And, we became really good friends. And, I thought that was it.
So, one night he calls and asks me if I want to go to The Whiskey in Hollywood. I said "Yes', and immediately told my brother and his friends that we were all going to the Whiskey. See, it never occurred to me that he had just asked me out on a date. I figured, I was the messenger of sorts. You know, tell the gang we're going to Hollywood. I swear, I never had a clue.
So my crush arrives, and is very surprised to see a room full of guys waiting with me. I swear I still didn't get it. My brother had to explain it to me. They all had a good laugh at my expense. I did get to date my crush for a while. No sad story there, I was in a bad accident and by the time I got out of the hospital [a year later] he was away at school. We were young.
But, I remember how incredibly lame I was, not to notice the shift in the relationship.
Which is how I get surprised often in social situations. See, I didn't know what I didn't know. I am somewhat clueless. I'm clueless because often I just don't think anyone really notices me all that much.
But, when I do find out. When someone surprises me, well, it always leaves such an impression on me. A good one, not a vulnerable one. Well, not vulnerable in an awkward way. Vulnerability like that feels like I've lost all my armour and I'm open to anything that organically happens. I actually feel free from all my limitations and fears.
So, I got surprised--3 times in fact. I felt vulnerable and free. And, I was reminded of how truly weird I am!
So, to have someone tell me all the particulars of going about meeting me, well it surprised me. I know some women think this attribute is calculating, and manipulative, and I suppose it can be if they wrong strategy is employed. But, when the right one is employed, well, you never see it coming, and it just seems so organic.
Which is why I've been thinking. Because it felt so organic, that's why I missed it. I'm so lame when it comes to a lot of things, especially social encounters. I remember when I was in my late teens. I had a crush on a friend of my brother's. I mean a hard core crush. But, I figured he was just way too cool to notice me. So, I decided just to be friends. I figured I could have that much. And, we became really good friends. And, I thought that was it.
So, one night he calls and asks me if I want to go to The Whiskey in Hollywood. I said "Yes', and immediately told my brother and his friends that we were all going to the Whiskey. See, it never occurred to me that he had just asked me out on a date. I figured, I was the messenger of sorts. You know, tell the gang we're going to Hollywood. I swear, I never had a clue.
So my crush arrives, and is very surprised to see a room full of guys waiting with me. I swear I still didn't get it. My brother had to explain it to me. They all had a good laugh at my expense. I did get to date my crush for a while. No sad story there, I was in a bad accident and by the time I got out of the hospital [a year later] he was away at school. We were young.
But, I remember how incredibly lame I was, not to notice the shift in the relationship.
Which is how I get surprised often in social situations. See, I didn't know what I didn't know. I am somewhat clueless. I'm clueless because often I just don't think anyone really notices me all that much.
But, when I do find out. When someone surprises me, well, it always leaves such an impression on me. A good one, not a vulnerable one. Well, not vulnerable in an awkward way. Vulnerability like that feels like I've lost all my armour and I'm open to anything that organically happens. I actually feel free from all my limitations and fears.
So, I got surprised--3 times in fact. I felt vulnerable and free. And, I was reminded of how truly weird I am!
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