Acceptance and Understanding

I’m not sure what this topic has anything to do with anything, but it has been on my mind for a few weeks.  When something stays on my mind, I know it’s time to write about it.

So, when is understanding and acceptance like being hit over the head with a blunt object?

I think there is a misunderstanding in the minds of a lot of people when it comes to understanding and acceptance. We all know the kind of acceptance that involves existing facts.  For example, we all accept that the sun comes up every morning.  When a friend is ill, or a loved one is hurt, we all accept that it is sad for them, or painful.  They will need help and nurturing.

The phrases, “I need space”, “I need time”, and any of the other incarnations this plea can take are frequently legitimate.  I urge all my clients to accept that these needs are real and should be honored whenever possible.  One cannot talk a man or woman out of needing these things anyway.  Humans have needs.  It’s only when one person’s needs are paramount instead of being balanced with the needs of others.

But, we all need to remember that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  We will all find ourselves on both sides of this coin at some point in our lives, and not only does there have to be acceptance of reality on one side, but there has to be acceptance of the reality that one action will cause another’s reaction.

In my experience, so many people think that just because they have explained the situation at the outset, that it means the action itself is consequence free.  It isn’t.  We may all recognize the truth of another’s situation or needs, but it doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t have an effect on us.  It has consequences.

I was recently in a conversation where I was told, “But you knew I had to do it.  You knew what was on my plate.”.  And I did know.  I did understand.  I did accept the reality of the situation.  But the statement wasn’t meant to make me understand any further truth, it was to invalidate my reaction to it.  Essentially saying that since I knew the situation, that I should have had “no reaction”.  As if my acceptance of the truth of the matter meant I was not entitled to my reactions  [cause and effect].

In this example, a partner takes his [or her] space for an extended period, comes back, and then expects life to just go on as it was before.  He or she expects no recriminations, no consequences, and no conflict.   

For the rest of us, these experiences are situational, less severe, and can usually be solved, but the mechanism is often the same.  Ultimately acceptance of another’s situation often results in losing our ability to express our own truth, or our own reaction to the situation.  Simply put, we’re expected to just “suck it up”.  Suddenly, one’s own gift of understanding and acceptance towards the situation of another is turned into a blunt object, and we’re rendered mute, and accused of all manner of thing if we express a reaction.

I urge clients to find ways of accepting the realities of others, but at the same time urge them of find their own voice and express their own reactions to the experiences.  It simply isn’t an either/or world. People can understand and accept, and still have legitimate reactions to circumstances.  In my opinion, a person who needs the time is entitled to the time, but also must deal with the consequences of that action.  In other words, “take responsibility” for what is created—both good and bad.

More often than not, it is all about one person not seeing the consequences of an action, and no matter how right they may feel about “taking some time” or whatever the situation is or was, there will always be consequences that have to be accepted as well.

It just works that way. There are no free passes when it comes to relationships and the effects created, and ultimately if responsibility isn’t taken, there is no harmony.

Transgenders

OK, here is my rant on transgenders and those that have any opinion other than acceptance. I once worked with a transgender female. She was the funniest, happiest person in the office. I swear she could make anything seem OK, and any crisis seem laughable.

We were talking once and she shared some pictures of when she was a young boy.

I remember the exact moment I "got it" even if I still don't completely understand it. I was looking at the pictures of a child that never smiled. Not once. And, she showed me a lot of pictures. Such sadness. My heart ached for that child in the pictures, and at the same time rejoiced for the woman in front of me.

That is all any of us needs to know.

People have to be free to pursue their own happiness, even if we would pursue ours differently. We cannot claim the rights and privileges granted in the Constitution and claimed as self-evident in the Declaration for ourselves, and yet deny them to others. There is no litmus test for eligibility to pursue happiness. We all have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

That's all I have to say, and it should be all anyone has to say about it.

Beauty

I've never considered myself to be any sort of beauty.  Oh, I don't think I am ugly or undesirable, in fact, I like the way I look.  But, I'd never thought of myself as a woman any one would call "Beautiful".  I say that with no regrets, as I said, I like the way I look.  I would not change anything even if I could, after all, I've been with myself for a long time, and I like the familiarity to be honest.

But, there is one thing about myself that I have always thought of absolutely stunning.  My eyes.  They are big green eyes, and I have long eyelashes naturally.  The green changes color with my mood and oh, I don't know, even I think they were the best thing about my face.

Going blind in the left eye has changed that eye so much.  I was looking at myself today doing the regular morning female ritual, and I really noticed that the luster, color, and look of the left eye is so "dead" now.  My eyes are no longer beautiful at all.  In  fact, they are a bit strange.  Weird even.  One is dead looking and the other is alive.  One is dilated and the other changes given the amount of light.
It's sad to me as I think of it.  My eyes were my only real source of confidence about my looks.  I always knew I could look someone in the eyes, flash a smile, and well, they'd be captivated by my charms.  LOL  Crazy I know, because of course it was not completely true, but it was  true enough that I felt I could do it if I wanted to.  Bat those eyelashes, and smile my way into a conversation, and perhaps an adventure.

I suppose all women lament as their beauty fades.  I just didn't think I was one of them.  I thought I was going to age gracefully and artfully.  But, today I find, that I miss the promise my green eyes once held for a future.

Censorship and the artist in the 21st Century

OK, this is actually going to be a rant. I am so sick of artists [all of them, music, art, film, etc] having to apologize because they cross some imaginary line. Yes, yes, I know they in fact do cross lines, but that's what art is supposed to do, just in case you didn't know. It's supposed to take you out of your comfort zone. It's supposed to make you uncomfortable. If it doesn't, it's not art, it's not new, and it is probably repetitive. Art should poke at your sacred cows. If it doesn't, well, it's bad art.

So, there's that. Leave the artist alone. If you don't like the art, don't buy it, don't listen to it, turn away, and go on your way. Rant about it if that flips your switch, but the outcry for apologies has just got to stop. It is interfering with the expression of the artist and ultimately the ART itself will suffer. And that cannot be tolerated on any level.

It is through the artist that progress is made. It is through the artist that change occurs. Artists dream of a better future and then sing about it to us, or write about it, and then the people can create that better future. Censor the art, and we might as well, well, it's not pretty. Power takes over completely. Art exposes abuses in power. Art sings us tales of abuse, and that we must band together in order to rectify. Art is the canary in the coal mine.

Every culture needs its art, even the stuff, I just don't get.

AND, it is outright censorship. Public pressure to silence an artist, is censorship. You may not care today about this, but someday [and it looks to be sooner than anyone could have imagined], someone is going to tell you you should apologize to your neighbors for your Christmas decorations [or the lack thereof] and maybe lose your livelihood if you don't buckle down and do it. The threat in this is palpable.

Or tell you you need to apologize for your political opinions or your spiritual beliefs, under threat of job loss. Sure we're just asking high profile people to bend over and suck it up to keep their day jobs, but one day, it'll be your McDonalds' job on the line and believe me if you are working at McD's, you're not going to want to lose the only job in town. You'll cave and do whatever it takes to keep your job, and there will be no songwriter to write about that kind of coercion in your work place. Artists are being coerced into giving up their freedom of expression in order to not be destroyed financially.

Think about that for a minute. I know plenty of people who will say [and have said] "So what?" But it is a BIG so what. We've been conditioned into censoring artists ourselves, instead of the government doing it. Nice trick if you ask me. I suppose a little paraphrasing and we could say the smartest thing censorship/control ever did was convince us that it didn't exist as long as it wasn't the government doing it. I guess it's OK if it's just power brokers.

Does it really matter if the local policeman tells you to shut up or if your boss, armed with a pink slip, does it? Does it? Does it matter to anyone that censorship permeates every facet of our lives now from the media, to art to politics and shows no sign of stopping.

AND, ultimately this permissive attitude re: demanding apologies because someone got their panties in a twist over art, leads us to the Paris bombing. I do NOT care how fucking appalled, or outraged, or offended you are or they [whoever "they" are] are. I do not fucking care if everything you hold sacred is vilified by the guy next door. You CANNOT kill him for it. You cannot censor him. Why do you care what he thinks of your sacred cows anyway?

Suck it up and grow the fuck up!! There's a lot of people trying to live their lives on this planet, and you're NOT helping. You just CANNOT kill over a belief system. Not democracy, not monarchies, not Islam, not Christianity. Not any of them. People have the right to choose. You don't get to choose for them, and when you begin to think you have that right, it's the artists that will remind you that you don't.

Hozier - My Love Will Never Die [[ Hozier HD ]]

I know I'm binge-ing, but who cares!  This guy is GREAT!